In my cell
by Ay Hua
Summary: Rukia contemplating her time in Soul Society and a certain orange headed boy.


Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo-dono, not me

Author's notes: this is set while Ichigo is battling some dude I cant remember his name in episode 30 and Rukia looks up and out her window, this is what I would like her to have been thinking.

In my cell

I'm sure what makes me so melancholy, but then again knowing that I would never see Ichigo ever again might have been the riding factor in that, but like hell am I going to let my prison guards know that, (or anybody else for that matter). I have been transferred to cell four of the tower of penance and am awaiting my death.

Every time I look out the window I see my death, that white blade, which sparkled too gleefully in the daylight. It seems to call for my death…not that I'm that reserved not to give it it's full pleasure. But after hearing that Ichigo might be, no is in Soul Society, made my eminent death not as appealing any more. Ichigo and his friends are in Soul Society, and they are here to get me back…the fools. Ichigo is going to die here, his friends as well, if they aren't already.

Through out my time here, waiting, I have had time to think of a lot of things. At first I thinkt about my brother, how he so coldly looked at me that night, that night when I told Ichigo to not come after me, I had tried so hard to convey the feelings that were running through my mind, my soul. I wanted him to have a normal life, or at least some semblance of normalcy. I didn't know if he was going to survive his misguided rescue attempt, but I hoped to the gods, (if there are any beside what is here in Soul Society), that were above us that he would. It would have really killed me to think that he had died there on the wet street, (I knew that he was stronger then that), knowing that I willingly gone to end my life. But then again that's why he came after me, to stop me, and I treated him like dirt. I had hoped that my treatment of him would have made him hate me. Made him see that I was trying to protect him that he didn't need to die for me, that he didn't need to feel obligated. But apparently that plan has backfired.

I think about all the people I had meet during my time as a human, all the faces that blended into one another, turning into one large mass of smiling faces, totally oblivious as to what I really am. I knew names but I can never associate them with faces. I made sure that I didn't get too close to them; it wasn't safe for me to. _Just like it wasn't safe for me to be near Ichigo any more, but I shouldn't get into that, at least that's what I keep telling myself._

I think about Renji, the look on his face, lost and alone even with all his friends at his side. He remembered the times we had as undiscovered soul reapers. Our time as each other's best friends, he is the closet thing to a brother I have ever had. Brother Kuchiki is no real brother. He is by name but not by love or devotion, there is none of that when he regards me. He came personally to tell me that I'm to die, and that he would be the one to do it. He looked on me with such frosty eyes, and I looked back at him, mirroring his expression. I suddenly felt pride at how I responded to his little heartless speech. Finally at my end it seems, I became more Kuchiki then I have ever been before.

I can't take it any longer. My mind wanders to Ichigo. I know that Renji told me he had passed into Soul Society to get some kind of reaction out of me, but what did he really expect - me not to care, like I had over everything else? Its Ichigo for gods' sakes, I have grown to care for him more then I have ever expected. He holds a special place in my heart I have thought closed forever.

It's then in the setting sun that I felt it. I have lived with that spirit energy for so long that I knew it right away. _It's Ichigo. That damned fool, he's facing a deadly opponent and he's allowing his spirit energy to escape all its bounds_. But this spirit energy is far more powerful then it was when I left that night. My hero is far stronger then before, but I still curse him. _Ichigo you fool, don't die here, don't die for me, I'm not worth it, to you or to anybody. _


End file.
